Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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