Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
