she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
