She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
