i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
