we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
