My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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