Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
