too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize