Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
