nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize