My hand turned me down
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Everyone says I win the strip club
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
