i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
