somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize