respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
