porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
