i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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