i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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