Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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