Whod you bang
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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