You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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