If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
