it's too hot outside to masturbate.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
