I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
