you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
