Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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