So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
