Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
