cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
True strength comes from lack of pants
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
