you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Did I show you my penis last night?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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