I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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