ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
