Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
