There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
