My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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