She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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