I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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