It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She bit a glass in half.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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