wanna go halves on a baby?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
