your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
