we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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