come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
