We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He? As in you personified your dick?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
