I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
