I wannas sexs uuuuu
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
