Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
