God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
