Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize