the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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