Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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