some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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