If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
