I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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