the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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