You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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