I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
