I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
