Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
