You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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