we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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