I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize