Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
