How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
