My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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