just tell him i said nine months
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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