you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
