Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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