Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
