96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
