Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
